The Day I Became the Smiling Buddha
I attended a meditation class at a Darhma Center.
I had never studied Buddhism I learned through my own experiences things which are described by the teachings. I had only meditated a few times without any success of shutting my mind up.
I attended this Darhma center because too many people have stated for me to go within to find what I was looking for. I have gained most of my spiritual understanding through much pain and decided it was time to retire my pain guru and to start a spiritual practice.
After exercising a series of different types of meditation they began going through the basic philosophy of Buddhism.
They went over third pattern or category of dukkha which refers to a basic unsatisfactoriness permeating all forms of life as all forms of life are impermanent and constantly changing. On this level, the term indicates a lack of satisfaction, a sense that things never measure up to our expectations or standards. This subtle dissatisfaction is referred to as the dukkha of conditioned states.
So they had mentioned Dukkha and then went on, to speak of the noble truths and the paths. Although I had never known what Dukkha meant (I assumed it meant shit) I found out what it was and when I accepted it, it as in Dukkha, in a sense set me free. That those things I have spent my whole life looking for, which brought me lack of satisfaction with life. Well once I accepted that there will never be satisfaction and it will be that way all of a sudden I was free from the expectations. I was lighter and it made me smile.
I shared with the group how I had lived on the street as a child and I have looked for love and community my whole life. I have been the bird in the Dr. Suess story looking every where for my mother. Mother meaning love in this case. Are you my mother? I have searched. So I explained I have decided a spiritual practice of meditation, to look within. At that moment I came to the realization that regardless of me attempting to look within instead of looking without I was still looking. In that moment I was no longer looking. We closed the conversation in meditation which I was able to achieve with no effort because there was nothing to do, but smile from within and without.
~AliceXandria
