Sunday, March 11, 2012

Those small moments with Grandma

Tonight I was bringing my grandmother to the bathroom as usual. She has the habit of continually leaning forward, with head down. It makes it easier on my back when she stands up straight. If she is not leaning over then I don't have to lean over farther. So I am always asking her to stand up straight, keep her head up, etc.
So tonight she is leaning over and I am about to perform some Perry care, I ask my grandmother, "Grandma can you stand up straight, keep your head up, smile, and cheese." At that moment I have no idea why the word cheese slipped out. As I am just in view to do the Perry thing, grandma says, "Cheese."

Buddist Temple

Yesterday I was driving down a road I have driven on for 14 years. Every time I saw this temple and often wondered what exactly it was.

Well there was a man setting up the sign out front and the gate was opened. I finally decided, it has been many years and the time to stop is now. I had three stops to make and an appointment for an ultra sound at 3pm. It was 2pm. I decided I would get to my appointment on time and that I would stop anyway.

So I told the man I finally decided to stop and explained that I have attained oneness (with how) and I understand being content is important, however, I was bored and wondered what was next.

He said, " I do not need to tell everyone of my experience of oneness. He stated it does not help them and it does not benefit me."
I understood that and I agree with what he says. However, I may choose not to follow his advice because of this.

I have followed someone's advice because they were older I thought wiser and had more money (better life position) I asked that person what I should do when I grew up, I explained that I wanted to be a writer. Her reply was that I would starve to death and I need to make more money. Now that I am older, I realized at 18 I could have starved and made an attempt to follow my dream and at least I would have dreamed rather then have given up on believing. My thoughts now are I should have asked myself the question rather then someone I thought was better then myself.

So now back to Minh's statement, many young people tell me they learn more in one night of conversation with me then they have for years, also my friend a professor in Canada wrote a book called "The poetics of Fear" he acknowledged me for life changing conversations in that book. My conversations with the professor, I have no doubt, have been an influence on his class and provoking thought among his students. I think No I will trust my own heart for there are many stories written of great teachers experiences so that we may experience our selves. I believe right now that is the point of all of the experiences and possibilities through out time just so we can experience ourselves and understand the contrast of separateness and oneness. Much depends on intention behind sharing. So I share my private thoughts with you, It does not benefit anyone or it might. Minh also stated that my experience is described in Buddhism and that I should continue to learn more about it.

Today I went back to a ceremony, as I listened to the monks singing, I was amazingly present to how the singing the mantra's for so long pulls them to immediate focus and present quickly, through repetition. I feel the understanding of it. 

Minh and talked again, he brought up attachment and went further to explain it was the cause of our suffering, I explained, I am not attached to anything because I have nothing to be attached to.
He went further in saying, letting go of attachments are not letting go of things, it is the letting go of  ideals or thoughts and expectations. I replied, "Yes, all my life I have only wanted family and love, something so easy, yet not to ever attain it. Now I see," I continued, " that it is my concept or ideal of what I make family and love mean."  Minh replies, "It is trying to control the environment around us, that, is letting go."